Tastefully
Shameless
10 Things Most People Don't Realize About Strippers
As a dancer, I've encountered tons of people who fail to realize how much actually goes into what I do. Many people think we just do our hair and makeup, spritz a bit of perfume, put on some sexy clothes and BAM! We're instantly transformed into a stripper. I used to think the same as everyone else, "Well hell, anyone can be a stripper!", and while that's kinda true, it takes a lot more to go above any beyond being an attractive female taking off her clothes. You have to actually entertain people, and that means a lot of different things.
1.) This. Shit. HURTS.
From knotted hair and makeup mishaps in the dressing room, to walking around in 7" pump stilettos for hours on end, there is very little comfort to this job. You tend to get used to uncomfortable shoes after a few weeks, and there are often lots of opportunities to sit for a while. However, if you're anything like me, I have enough nerve damage in both of my feet that I barely even notice the shoes anymore! I'm also very stubborn, and will wear whatever shoes I find aesthetically pleasing, even if they're not dancer shoes (which are made to take beatings, and don't have you walking on such a steep pitch like most dress shoes do).
Another thing many customers often overlook is the fact that we get bruises, cuts, scrapes and even blood blisters. Wardrobe aside, the stage and the pole is usually responsible for a lot of our most common injuries, and not even from accidents. When you're down on all fours, poppin' that booty for for them bands, you're bound to rub some skin off of your knees. Climbing the pole, spinning or sitting on the pole, can also take skin off of some... unsavory places. I get bruised knees, shins and insteps almost every weekend. Marks from the pole were given the cutesy name pole kisses. Some are small and unnoticeable, while others look as gnarly as they feel. I've also pinched my boob between my arm and the pole. Talk about a bad time.
2.) We're masters of deception.
It's true. Now, don't start thinking we're seasoned con artists, but most of us are going to lie to you. We're going to tell you we're having a great night, and that everything is just puppies and unicorns. This is often far from true, but who wants to hear us drag on about how the incompetent cashier at Walmart made us late when we were just trying to buy tampons and deodorant on our way to the club? I will usually only talk about my personal problems if the situation is right. If someone is saying something I can relate to, I'll weigh in. I like to relate to my customers and make them laugh, so I will share a ridiculous or boringly relatable tidbit.
3.) We're all here for different reasons.
Some of us only have dancing as a primary source of income, while others do it solely for fun or sport. Dancing is like therapy to me, and I always feel better after a night at the club, even if it's usually fruitless. My friends (both customers and the ladies I work with) are simply wonderful, and help me talk my problems out or end up making me forget I even had a problem in the first place. And, yes, there are some of us that are stripping to pay our way through college! Tuition-driven strippers do, in fact, exist!
4.) Most of us secretly have a Ph.D in Psychology.
While you're drunkenly rambling about your ex, or talking about work, we're usually digging through your psychies. We typically doing this for one of two reasons; we're trying to justify your barbaric behavior because strippers are wonderful people and will often try to give you the benefit of the doubt, OR, we genuinely like you and we're trying to assemble advice or a bit of helpful wisdom. It's also loads of fun to try to figure people out and try to learn what really makes them tick. This skill comes with practice, and can be more than beneficial for both the customer and the dancer. If a dancer knows what she's looking for, she can identify a potentially dangerous individual and keep herself away from a potentially bad situation. Some of the guys we deal with show heavy sociopathic tendencies - being able to decipher an actual threat from someone who's just a little "off" is a very good skill to have.
5.) We're really not as scary as you think we are.
There are so many people that just have this undue fear of strippers. Seriously. Like we're some sort of strange, mythical beast, the likes of which has yet to be discovered by mankind. We're just naked women! Okay, well, to some men that's the equivalent to a mythical beast... but we're not going to bite ya! Unless, of course, you pay for it. We're just normal people. Poised, elegant, breathtaking, spine-tinglingly amazing creatures that share the same basic DNA as you. [See also: female ]
6.) It takes a very long time for us to figure ourselves out.
Being a true entertainer doesn't just happen. We have to come into this industry completely defenseless. Even those of us who are fortunate to have seasoned stripper friends to guide and advise us, we still have to do our own thing. We have to figure out what our style is going to be - from outfits, to attitude, to dance style and music choice. Many of us live a sort of double-life, where our stripper personas will heavily differ from who and how we are outside of the club. We're already pretty much where we're going to be in our normal lives, but now we have to create a completely different alter-ego that is our inner stripper. We can't just do the things we do at home behind closed doors around our families and significant others. We also have to learn how to run our own hustle - what works for one entertainer will not necessarily work for anyone else. There is no Being a Stripper for Dummies book (or maybe there is, but it's probably riddled with useless advice and over-exaggerated suggestions with an MSRP of $24.99) so we have to go it alone. Kinda like going into high school.
7.) Only the strong will survive.
Really. This job isn't for those who don't have a thick skin and a strong backbone. You're going to get groped and solicited. Customers and dancers are going to say rude, mean, creepy and downright shudder-worthy things to you. Sometimes, you even have to worry about the club owner or management. Not only do you need mental and emotional fortuity, you also have to be physically resilient; and this doesn't mean skinny or athletic, just that you have to deal with a lot of stress and trauma that it puts on your body.
8.) You might be surprised at the amount of upkeep we have to go through.
Constant primping and maintenance while you're on the floor doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. A lot of dancers prefer to go completely hairless, which means spending an hour or more, at least once a week, shaving, Nair-ing, or waxing. I personally shave with a 5-blade razor. I shave my legs, bikini (which includes everything from the fupa to the top of my asshole), and underarms once a week, and my arms every 3 or 4 weeks. I also heavily maintain my eyebrows, skin, hair, nails and teeth. This job relies on looking and smelling your best. Photoshop doesn't make glasses, and beer goggles will only do so much. I have to be conscious about ingrown hairs, razor burn, acne, deodorant balls in my armpits, (and whether or not my deodorant is still working at 3am), toilet paper in my lady-bits, if my tampon is visible, and if I have food stuck in my teeth - IF I even got a chance to eat that night.
9.) This job is ANYTHING but one-dimensional.
When you become a dancer, you have to assume all of the sub-roles that come along with it. You have to be a friend and a confidant, a therapist, a personal adviser, a girlfriend, a source of engaging conversation and entertainment, and occasionally a drug dealer (THAT one, I don't know anything about. *ahem*).
10.) We have our own beliefs and superstitions.
That's right, some strippers believe in lucky accessories or have certain routines they follow because we believe that they're what works for us. Whether it's our "moneymaking outfit", or being sure we start our night off with a specific dollar amount in our garter, most of us have our own rules to follow. Of course as with any other superstition or bizarre belief, others usually think it's bullshit. I don't judge you for wearing a lucky rabbit's foot on a necklace, so don't judge me for feeling the need to carry my lucky Crown Royal bag.
At The End of the Day...
When all is said and done, when the sun is rising, and we wearily make our way home, there is one very important thing to remember. We are all humans. We are people who love other people, and who have other people who love us. Sometimes, the girls we work with are all we have, and that's okay. Strippers aren't degenerates or delinquents; we're just normal people (kinda) with normal jobs, just like anyone else. Our jobs just so happen to require a few different things than being a lawyer or district manager. Our nights rarely follow the same patterns, and it's hard to find two nights that are identical. Some nights are easy-peasy, and others are loaded with unjustified bullshit. You really shouldn't judge a book by its cover; even if that cover is covered with glitter and has 1's tucked inside.
Always,
Riley